First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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