omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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