At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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