You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
