I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
