Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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