Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
