I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
