Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
