i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
