the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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