I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They have beer where we have blood.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
