The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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