idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So apparently I’m into choking now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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