Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
