He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
