wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
