I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was confusing and full of hummus
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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