dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
