just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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