how can u be prego again
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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