I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize