He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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