so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
