Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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