So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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