i don't plan on having that self control this summer
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
