Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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