No I am not eating basil off your cock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
