A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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