For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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