goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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