In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You've changed since you got that strap on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize