how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
