YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
