I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
