Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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