She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize