so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize