So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
