I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
