he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
