cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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