she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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