I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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