She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
tell me about the eggs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
