Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
