if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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