drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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