So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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