What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He shit in the fireplace
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
