I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
