did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
