Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
