Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
