i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
