i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
