i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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