you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
