I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
