I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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