Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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