i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
