I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
