it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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