It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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