i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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