You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
