Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
