Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
