im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
