thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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