Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
