I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
