You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
