.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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