it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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